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Sometimes I'm literally terrified of living.
I'm afraid before a new semester in school. I'm afraid that people I meet won't like me. I'm afraid to go to Europe for 4 months.
To boil it down, I'm afraid of change.
I get teary if I think too hard about how my dad will walk me down the aisle at my wedding (in the distant future). I, like I love making lists, like to be in control of my life.
I hate situations where I can't prevent something or remedy a solution. I want to be able to plan out my life like a book or a trip.
Perfectly planned.
The only thing in which I find hope, is my faith in God. My life is perfectly planned by Him, and I just have to wait for the time in which He reveals it. Trust and faith are my life preserver in the vast, churning ocean of life.
Some people say that, intrinsically, youth have a hunger for newness and adventure. I have that yearning sometimes, but it is usually smothered by fear and practicality.
That flame is still there though..deep down. It is burning away, lighting the dark, winding tunnel called the FUTURE.