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Sometimes I just want to exist. I need time of reflection, to sit and listen. I can listen to the birds whistling. I can listen to the cars driving in the distance. I can listen to the whirring of the air conditioner. I can listen to the beating of my heart. I listen to the conversations in my head. Listening to the sounds of daily life give me time to think and ponder. That can be dangerous because I get hung up on the things bothering me inside my head. I listen to other people so often that I forget how to listen to myself. Sometimes I try to listen to the future. I don't want to be childish anymore. I don't want to be a dreamer. I want to live in the real world. I feel that I have to live in the real world. I think that I'm losing a part of myself. I've given up on the castle in the clouds and plummeted back down to reality. That was one hard fall. Through listening and attempting to take in the world around me, I feel a sense of peace in my life. Not all the time, but enough to make it bearable.
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